can someone please tell me if this sounds correct, make sense and if the gramma is accurate

Answer:
OK so basically there are a few repetitions and tiny mistakes but it's okay I'll mark them right here :⬇️
Explanation:
à la parc is wrong ➡️ au parc
Sur de la musique is wrong ➡️à la musique
à la hotel is wrong ➡️à l'hôtel
- And instead of repeating amies in the same phrase u can switch it with ➡️eux
-and instead of saying joue 3 times u can say➡️on se divertit