I know you said you’re waiting for insurance to cover therapy, but Id like to again reiterate the importance of talking this all out with a licensed professional as SOON as you possibly can. While I didn’t know the answers to all of your questions, your question, “why do I miss the bad things that happened to me?” really got me. Sometimes, we miss bad things in our life because we felt like we deserved them, or we just want to go back to when we should’ve been normal kids- it’s a longing for innocence. As for the dreams and hallucinations, both can feel very real, which is why it’s so important to see a therapist. There are medications that help with nightmares and others with hallucinations, but don’t trip if you’re not sure about medicine yet. Some people need it, some people don’t- a therapist or psychiatrist will help you figure that out. While you wait for therapy, perhaps consider calling a help/text hotline to come up with some ways to help. TrevorChat is a textline for LGBTQ youth, but they deal with issues beyond the LGBT spectrum including bullying, mental illness, etc.
